Am I Faking?

I am emotionally attached to the depression-hypomanic roller coaster. Talking to other mentally ill people made me realize this attachment is a common theme, and the attachment increases the longer the struggle is prolonged. For instance, my mom had a bought of depression/anxiety, but all it took was some Citalopram and therapy to get her […]

Reclamation of the Sad Girl Persona

“‘Mental illness isn’t artistic or romantic’ should be something told to [neurotypicals] when they treat mental illnesses like a trope, not to mentally ill people who express themselves through art and relate to brainweird aesthetics.” – source (Yeah, I use Tumblr. So shut up about it!) I am obsessed with Lana Del Rey, and I get a […]

“How Are You Feeling?”

That is a good question because here’s the thing. In the span of four hours, I go from anxious mess to nihilistic husk to charming narcissist to obsessive hanger-on to raging bitch to asleep. That’s not an exaggeration, and it doesn’t mean I’m having different episodes. It’s just the nature of emotional lability, which is […]

Scary Symptoms

“You’re not having those symptoms are you?” Uhhhhhhh, yeah. I’m having almost every symptom to some degree. How else would I have gotten diagnosed? I know what people are insinuating when they ask this. Scary Symptoms™ include but are not limited to: constant suicidal ideation (active or passive) self-harm – cuts, scratches, putting cigarettes out on skin, etc. […]

Misinterpretations

“I mean, I just know I wouldn’t have to do any of this stuff if I were dead.” You know that look of simultaneous concern and pity? Yeah, that’s the one my therapist gave me after I said that, but I was just telling it like it is because that is how it is for […]

Where Is My Mind?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am referring to this song: But really, no time of the year other than finals gets me asking that question in an incredibly urgent, WHERE-THE-FUCK-IS-MY-MIND kind of way. I can stare at my black laptop screen for well over twelve hours and have a panic attack every time I touch it, which makes […]

Thoughts of Futility and Illusions of Control

Let’s get this out of the way. I think Western beauty standards and beauty standards in general are ridiculous and bring out the worst in our species. Okay, now I can talk about my religious devotion to them. Call it a way to channel nebulous anxiety into something tangible. Call it a way to siphon […]

Rejected in My Dreams

Who can really say if my weirdly lifelike dreams can be attributed to Lamictal or this mixed depressive episode or whatever? All I know is they’re vivid and inclusive. Almost everyone I talk to regularly is in every single one. I looked into the science of dreaming, and lets just say I got bored really […]

Done With the Pretense

Definition of a mixed episode: having a panic attack after thinking about nothingness/how no one really thinks you’re sick/how you’ll be stuck like this forever and immediately taking a bunch of tumblr-sad-girl selfies when it’s over. Like oh my god I’m so dramatic and histrionic and my mascara is perfectly running down my cheeks rn. […]

Sext: What Hand Soap Scent Are You Wearing Right Now?

One sentence horror story: public restrooms must remind employees to wash their hands. Like what the fuck? How are you a living, breathing human adult who can’t remember to wash your hands? The only thing I remember to do is wash my hands. Like, sometimes I can’t think of doing anything else, and here you […]