Substituting Yoga for Alcohol

Given the recommendations of my psychiatrist, I quit drinking cold turkey a couple weeks ago. Apparently bipolar people don’t really get to have any fun apart from the crazy roller coaster our minds subject us to. Anyway, going from 3 bottles of wine a week plus whatever I drank on weekends to nothing is, in […]

Mortality, Please Get out of My Dreams

In my waking life, yesterday was a pretty good day. I can feel myself slowly and steadily climbing out of depression, and even though I know that’s supposed to be something to fear, the week before hypomania goes south is glorious. I saw my hometown best friends and for the first time in a while, felt […]

Reading My Horoscope and Waving Goodbye to My Last Shred of Dignity

Having OCD and Bipolar Disorder means OBSESSIONS. OCD with the your family will die a violent, gruesome death if you don’t wash your hands type and Bipolar Disorder with the I spent hundreds of dollars on books about the physics of roller coasters because it’s definitely my calling even though I know nothing about physics […]

Nine Dissociative Affirmations that Will Make You Forget Your Life

I found a list of particularly disturbing positive affirmations that are supposed to give my usual positive affirmations some “umph.” Of course, this is operating under the assumption that my mirror is already covered in sticky notes full of platitudes, but my mirror is covered in toothpaste and mascara. So minus one for me. Anyway, […]

Poetry and Letting My Freak Flag Fly

When talking to people who are not entirely convinced my mental illness is as serious as it is, I am taken aback by their soft reminders of the “perks” of having a mental illness – namely, creativity. And to that I typically respond, “but at what cost?” True, a lot of mentally ill people use […]

Validate Me, Please

After perusing the dark, forum-laden corners of the Internet for people’s experiences with medication, therapy, and whatever else, I came across something I knew but didn’t want to acknowledge about having bipolar disorder: for the most part, it seems like people are scared to talk about it. Now, maybe I just live in a relatively […]

Lamictal, Internalized Stigma, and Other Thanksgiving Goings-On

It is day three of Lamictal titration, and I have to say, every time I swallow that tiny pill, a wave of paranoia ripples through my body. “This is going to kill me.” “This is a conspiracy. Everyone is in on it. I’m not really sick. They want me to die.” “Is that THE RASH?!?!?!?!???!?” […]

Yes, I Am Crazy

If you’ve been unfortunate enough to follow my mental health misadventures via snapchat or in person, you know I have a tendency to ironize most of what’s been happening. The recent developments have been all consuming to say the very least, so perhaps I do it in an effort to minimize its magnitude for me […]

Emotional Suppression and the Presidential Election

Come on, Allie. Stop being melodramatic. Last night, in between the catastrophizing of which my anxious self perfected the art long ago, I found myself thinking that very thought time and again, like a broken record.  Suddenly, the vindication given to racist, LGBTQIA-phobic, sexist, misogynistic, ableist, xenophobic sentiments in America didn’t matter. The very real […]